Comfortably Numb
by alwaysbluex
Summary: 2X04. Blair finds out some disturbing news, how she handles it. Chuck/Blair mostly. Very little Blair/Nate & Blair/Marcus. R&R !


-1**Author : Laura (Alwaysbluex)**

**Summary: Blair thinks about past relationships, failed relationships, and who she should turn to for comfort.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl. (which really sucks)**

**A/N: When Blair found out about Marcus she looked so broken, Just the after thoughts of it all, and who she could possibly turn to for comfort.**

**2x04 (the ex-files spoilers) AHEAD :**

After Vanessa had left, well it was more of Blair insisting she leave at once. Blair turned to the stairs, and slowly walked up. Her legs feeling more heavy, more numb than ever. She headed straight for the bathroom, stopping at the toilet. For a moment, just a moment she thought about kneeling down and numbing herself in a way she was all too familiar with. Instead she made the extra few steps to the shower. Only bothering to turn on the hot water, no need for cold. She already was freezing. Feeling as if she was in a winter storm sporting only her one piece black Chanel bathing suit.

Stepping in the shower, she instantly winced in pain as the heat hit her body all at once. It only took seconds for her to become accustomed to the heat. Steam was already invading her bathroom, and it was beginning to stifle her. Though, she really didn't care at this point. Some kind of distraction was needed, any kind of distraction from the things she had saw in the past twenty minutes.

The image of Marcus and Catherine was burned into her brain, Making her thoughts her own personal hell. There was no way she could erase those disturbing, unwanted images. Even if she were to smack her head against the steamy, hard tiles for a few minutes. She knew this, because she had already tried it merely seconds ago. Yes, was loosing her mind, that she knew for sure. She didn't even like Marcus that much to begin with. Not near as much as she had loved Nate, and as much as she hated to admit it, Chuck.

This whole thing still weighed heavy on her regardless. She was actually beginning to enjoy Marcus, beginning to open up to him, tell him private things. Why did it all come back to blow up in her face. She let out a bitter chuckle, that ended in a muffled sob. She couldn't have a boyfriend that didn't cheat on her? It was ridiculous. Nate with Serena, Chuck with, well, that skanky interior decorator. But did Chuck count? She tried to focus on remembering whether or not they actually identified they were dating. This didn't matter to her. He still cheated on her, and ruined her summer.

It couldn't be in her head. It's not possible. She was obviously disgusting and repulsive. No wonder her men needed to go else where to be satisfied. The bile was rising, she could feel that familiar burn in her throat. Trying to push those thoughts, and the bile back down she concentrated one the boiling hot water. Her skin felt raw, comfortably numb. Just how she wanted, how she needed to feel.

After the supply of hot water had ran out she slipped on her fuzzy white bathrobe and headed to her somewhat comforting bed. Her hair was wet, it must have been, but that barely crossed her mind, as she settled under the comforters and let her thoughts consume her.

For some reason her thoughts drifted to Chuck. She needed someone to confide in right now. Serena had her issues with Cabbage Patch. I'm sure telling her "Oh, by the way, Marcus is sleeping with his step-mother." wouldn't be very subtle. What was she thinking? She couldn't tell Chuck, he would laugh in her face, and probably talk her into sleeping with him. Not that she would really mind. No one around her was in any position to judge.

She flipped open her phone, thinking about her options. Nate, no she couldn't talk to him, but he will find out in good time. He deserves at least that much. Iz or Penelope, yeah if she wanted gossip girl to find out. Serena, no she had her own problems, she didn't need to deal with Blair's. It was also embarrassing, even to tell Serena. But Chuck, he might just be able to make this all go away. She wouldn't even need to mention why she wanted to spend the night tangled in his sheets. He would be more than willing.

She cracked a smile as she remembered how Chuck made her feel. Wanted. Loved. And, Beautiful above all. No guy had ever done that for her . She suddenly felt better, more at ease. This may have been a bit disturbing that just the thought of Chuck Bass had made her feel better. But none the less, he did. She could always count on him. But she wouldn't let anyone know that, not even him.

**A/N : I could really relate to Blair when I saw the scene with her finding out about Marcus/Catherine. So I started righting. Review if you liked it of course, if not that's okay.**

**I'll update We Started Nothing tomorrow. Because it's nearly midnight and I haven't started my homework!**


End file.
